Dean's Letters
by C.J.Awkwardxx
Summary: When Dean knows the end is near, this time for good, he tells what's left of his family goodbye. But he's never eally been one for showing emotion, so he writes his feelings on scraps of paper. He doesn't expect his family to write back. And he doesn't expect them to save him. Warning: Destiel, and general OOCness.
1. Chapter 1

**This fanfiction is finished. Five chapters, each a letter. I'll be posting daily. **

**Uh, these hurt. Writing them. They hurt, a lot. So the last one is a happy ending, thats why it's hurt/comfort, not angst. **

**Kinda based on the season 9 finale. You'll understand when you read. **

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><p>Hey Cas.<p>

If you're reading this, I'm dead. I wish I wasn't, but hey, that's life. Besides, I've been to Hell, Heaven and Purgatory. Maybe this time I'll aim for Limbo.

I wish I was brave enough to say this to your face. But I'm not, so I'm writing it here, on a piece of motel stationary. The final words of Dean Winchester. It's kind of fitting, I guess.

You know I don't do chick flick moments. I'm not really a guy equipped to deal with any emotions whatsoever. You can blame my Dad for that.

I've written this so many times. It never seems right. So I'm going to tell you it straight. I love you.

Not like a brother. I've said it for years, I know, but what I feel isn't platonic. Not by a long shot.

Castiel, Angel of the Lord, I am completely and utterly, head over heels in love with you. To me, you're what humans call the one. My soul mate.

I know you're an Angel, and I'm simply a lowly human, not really worthy of you're attention. But you were the one who proved to me that there was still good in the world. You rebelled from Heaven, to protect humans. You've messed up, yeah, but you tried. I guess that's all we can do.

Between you and Sammy, I'm not sure who I'd save. The world could burn, as long as Sammy was safe, but if I could only save one of you, I'm not sure who I would save. That's when I realised that I loved you. Sammy's my world. But you? You're my sun, moon and stars.

It sounds so poetic.

Take care of Sammy, for me, please. Even though you don't feel the same way, just look after him. It's all I ask. And take care of yourself, too.

So this is it. My final stand. The day I died for good.

Remember that I love you. With everything I have. I love you, and still will, even when I'm dead.

Goodbye Castiel.

With all my heart,

Dean.

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><p><strong>I know it's kinda OOC, but I figure Dean would be a bit weird in his final letter, able to write things that he can't say. Review?<strong>

**CJxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**...I'm sorry. I mean it. Sorry.**

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><p>Sammy.<p>

This was hard to write. I know you don't care about me as much as I care about you, but I can hope you won't throw this away without reading it.

I never wanted this life for you. When you left for Stanford, I was so proud. You stood up to Dad for something you believed in. You were strong, unlike me.

It broke my heart, taking you away from Stanford. I checked up on you every week, you know. I knew about Jess for months. Asking you to join me was the most selfish thing I ever done. And you paid for it by losing your girlfriend.

Ever since you were little, you've looked up to me. I was Batman, to you. I was your superhero. And what superhero doesn't sacrifice something, right?

I didn't regret going to Hell. I couldn't. Because even though I was down there, you were alive. You had a second chance.

I would do everything again. I would make the same decisions. Why? Because, you're Sammy. And it's my job to take care of you. _Look after Sammy. _You're my baby brother. I've done it since I was four years old. I changed your diapers, I let you eat my dinner, I done things for money that left me feeling dirty and unclean. For You. But I would repeat the process, over and over. Because you're Sam, and I'm Dean. I gotta look after you.

And if there's one thing I'm proud of, it's us. And I always will be.

So if you still have any lingering affection for me, could you do me a favour? Could you look after Cas? I dropped a pretty big bombshell on the guy, in my letter. You can probably guess what. You were always smart like that. Anyway, take care of him, would you? For me?

So, I guess this is it. Love you Sammy.

Dean.

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><p><strong>Again. Sorry.<strong>

**CJxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**So, Cas read his letter. And wrote something back. **

**Ruateddybear2000, I'm sorry for making you cry...No I'm not. But I feel I should say it. **

**This one hurt too, by the way. So here you go.**

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><p>Dean.<p>

I know you're not dead. You can't be. Not the great Dean Winchester, not the Righteous Man. Lucifer himself couldn't kill you. How could Metatron do something the Morningstar couldn't?

And how could a mark do what it took thirty years in Hell to do?

I've reread your letter so many times. I've memorised your handwriting, every time you pushed your pen a little too hard, every time your untidy scrawl worsened because of emotion. Every tear that fell on that slip of paper.

I'm no Angel, Dean. I stopped being one a long time ago. I stopped being an Angel when I touched a terrified and broken soul in Hell, and put him back together.

But I'm more human because of it. And I think that is my proudest achievement. Humanity.

I didn't know it before, but I do now. Or maybe I knew, but couldn't understand. It doesn't really matter now. All that does is that I have to admit something.

This is my confessional, Dean. Even if you never read this, it is still the most important thing I have ever done.

I love you, Dean Winchester.

The complexities of Humanity still elude me, as do many of your references. But this is the one thing I could comprehend. Love.

Angels are warriors, Dean. They are not meant to feel. The concept is still difficult for the human mind to grasp.

But we all are created with the capability of love.

And I, Castiel, ex-Angel of the Lord, fell in more than one way. But, both times, I fell for one reason. You.

I might not be that good a Guardian, or an Angel, or even a Human. But there is one thing I can do.

I can be yours.

So wherever you are, Dean, I need you to survive. I need you to come back.

I need you, Dean.

Castiel.

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><p><strong>Tell me what you thought!<strong>

**CJxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**This one hurt too. Again. However, LTS, I regret nothing. And why didn't you review on your account, silly? **

**Okay, guys, this makes up for Sam being a dick to Dean during season nine. **

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><p>Dean.<p>

I've been so bitter, the past few years. Ever since you went to Hell. Maybe before that. Possibly since Jess's Death?

Or maybe it began when I left for college.

I've been so self absorbed, I didn't notice. I didn't notice you were hurting. And eventually, I just began to pretend I didn't care.

But I lied, Dean. I do care. I always will. You're Dean, and it's my job. You've got my back, and I've got yours. The way we're supposed to be. Brothers.

I don't know how you still put up with me. Between the demon blood, the self pity and loathing, and the blaming, I would have given up for a lot less. Hell, I already have. I left you, didn't I?

I'm sorry, Dean. For being a dick this past year, for saying I didn't care, for not being _your _Sam. I'm sorry I stopped being Sammy.

You were always there for me Dean, like you always have been. Cleaning scraped knees, age six, or stitching wounds left by a Wendigo's claws, age 26, you were there.

And I wasn't.

And if I have one regret, it's the fact I stopped being a brother. I stopped being Sammy. And it's killing me.

As for Cas, you should have told him earlier. You could have been happy, Dean. You should have been. You deserved all the happiness you can get.

I'm going to keep looking, Dean. Like Cas, I know you're not dead. You're Dean, my invincible, awesome, big brother. Nothing can keep you down.

Please, Dean. I still need you. I'm a thirty two year old man, I'm an adult. But I still need my big brother.

I still need my Batman.

Sam.

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><p><strong>So, Yeah. More pain. Last Chapter up tommorrow. <strong>

**CJxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**The grand finale! I'm not planning a sequell, but if you want one, PM me. **

**This should hurt less, but it's me, so there's gonna be some angst.**

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><p>Cas and Sam.<p>

I'm glad you never stopped believing in me. I'm glad you found me.

And I'm glad you fixed me.

I know the past few months have been tough for you. I'm sorry that it was so difficult to make me, well, me. Again.

And now that everything's back to normal, everything's changed.

I'm not gonna write in too much detail, because I know my little brother is reading this too. Cas, telling you how I felt was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I don't regret it. Ever. Especially now we no longer separate rooms in the bunker. Man, Sammy, be happy we have soundproof walls.

I meant it Cas. Back then, and right now. I love you. Forever.

As for Sam, well, the past few years have been tough for the both of us. It's not all your bad. I could have helped, stopped you before Ruby got you in too deep.

I should have stood up to Dad, back when you were a teen. I should have supported you.

But, I want you to know this, Sam. I will never, ever, leave. You're a pain in the ass, but you're my little brother. And if there's one thing I can be, it's your Batman.

The two of you are all I've got left. But that's okay. You're all I need.

Dean.

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><p><strong>So? Likey? Tell me what you thought, and I might be persuaded to write another. Possibly.<strong>

**CJxx**


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